*******************************HofA*****************************
When I arrived at the book shop the next afternoon, Bella was already there waiting. My breath caught in my throat when I saw her in a beautiful dress, carrying a picnic basket, her hair falling in waves around her shoulders as the sun's rays reflected off of it. I took the basket and wordlessly followed her to a little stretch of lawn beside a church where we had our picnic.
After we ate, I rose to one knee and took both her hands in mine. I'd made a promise, and I now had a plan. She smiled through her confusion.
"Bella, we've wasted so much time. I love you and can't imagine living without you ever again, the months I did were pure hell."
"Oh Edward, they were for me as well," was her whispered reply.
I pulled the ring from my pocket and watched as the tears filled her eyes.
"Bella, love," I took a deep breath. "Please say that you feel the same, tell me you'll marry me." I asked.
Bella rose to her knees and threw her arms around my neck. "Edward, I told you before that the answer would always be yes," she choked through her tears. "Yes, yes, yes."
I kissed her until we were both breathless. "I don't want to wait until after the war. Our families will just have to understand. Marry me here, in England, so that we can be together as man and wife before I'm forced to leave."
Bella, too overcome with emotion to speak, merely nodded.
We were married in the same church outside of which I had proposed. The sight of Bella walking down the aisle toward me, despite the fact that she wore a borrowed wedding gown and was on the arm of one of the doctors from the hospital, rather than that of her father, was the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen.
After the simple ceremony, we had a small reception at a pub in the village.
"A toast to Edward," Roger began, "I know I speak for John as well when I say how glad I am to have found you again and how proud I am to call you my friend. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you and Bella many years of happiness together." He raised his glass, "To Edward and Bella."
You went away and my heart went with you
I speak your name in my every prayer
If there is some other way to prove that I love you
I swear I don't know how
You'll never know if you don't know now
I watched as a tear trailed down Bella's cheek while we danced. "Don't cry my love."
"Oh Edward, to think that, because of me, we almost didn't have this," She whispered as another tear escaped.
"No more regrets Bella." I pressed my lips to hers. "Come on," I whispered as I took her hand, "I'm anxious to have you all to myself."
We said goodbye to our friends and made our way to the cottage Bella had rented for us. I had been granted three days leave and intended to make the most of them.
As we neared the door, I stopped and lifted Bella into my arms. "What are you doing?" she asked with a giggle.
"Carrying you over the threshold Mrs. Masen," I said as we made our way inside. I didn't stop moving until we reached the bedroom. "I love you darling," I breathed against her lips.
"I love you too Edward, so very much."
We were both nervous, but I tried to hide it. I'd heard the other guys talk, sometimes in great detail, about their experiences, so I was certain I knew what to do. I only hoped that Bella's inexperience would keep mine from being too noticeable.
I lavished her with kisses before helping to remove her gown. She, in turn, removed my jacket, letting it fall to the floor. And so we proceeded to undress one another; our hands shaking from nerves, our movements awkward.
It was perfect.
"Oh sweetheart, I've waited so long to be with you this way." I swallowed hard as I reached to undo her stockings and removed them one by one. "Are you very nervous?"
She shook her head. "Not too terribly nervous Edward. I trust you."
After removing the remainder of our clothing, I lay Bella back on the bed in order to take in the sight of her. She was an absolute vision. She blushed as my eyes roamed her body and I noticed that she averted her glance from the sight of my arousal. "Bella, don't be embarrassed love. You are beautiful. I could look at you all night." I said before our lips met again, molding perfectly together. I trailed kisses down her neck and across her chest before worshipping each perfect breast. I knew she could feel my hardness against her leg, but all I could think of was how much I wanted to be inside her.
With the gentlest of touches, I reached down between us, preparing her for what was to come. When it seemed she was ready for me, I guided my length to her entrance and kissed her lips once more. "I love you my darling, but I don't want to hurt you."
"Edward please, I want this; I want you. You could never hurt me," she whispered. "Make love to me."
Her words were my undoing. I kissed her once more before entering her slowly, very slowly, watching for any signs of distress on her face. She tensed once and I stilled until she relaxed. Once I was fully sheathed, the sensation of being enveloped in her wet heat was all-consuming.
Instinctually, I began to move as I expressed over and over through words and kisses what she meant to me.
Her small soft hands roamed my back, as her hips rose to meet my every thrust. We were lost in a haze of pleasure I'd never known existed before that night. I gave up trying to speak then, my words unintelligible, until with a loud moan Bella and I tumbled over the edge of ecstasy together.
I lay there panting, exhausted, and feeling more blessed than I ever had in my life.
***H*of*A***
Bella kept the cottage and whenever I wasn't on duty, we would spend our nights there, blissfully together.
"What are you thinking?" Bella asked in the darkness just before dawn as we lay on our sides, facing one another.
"How much I love you," I answered truthfully, "and how much I don't want this time we have together to end."
Bella drew in a shuddering breath as she placed her hand on my cheek. "When you do have to leave," somehow I knew she wasn't speaking of when I'd have to return to the barracks, "will you promise to come back?"
"Would that it were so easy to promise that my love," I answered before turning my head and kissing the palm of her hand. "I can promise to do everything within my power to make it back to you."
I could see her eyes glistening with unshed tears in the half-light.
"But Bella if I don't return, you have to promise me that you won't let yourself become overcome with grief. Live your life darling, live for the both of us."
She shook her head. "It's not possible…" she said in a broken whisper.
"Yes it is Bella. You have so much to give. So much to see and accomplish." I pulled her close to my chest and told her what I needed to say. "And," I hesitated, "if you were to eventually meet someone that cares for you; someone who treats you as you deserve, I want you to be happy darling."
She began to cry in earnest then.
"Love, I didn't mean to make you cry," I said as leaned back in order to wipe away her tears.
She looked up into my eyes with an expression that broke my heart. "Edward, if you don't return I will spend every day missing you, thinking of you, loving you. No one in this world could ever fill the space in my heart that you hold. Don't even ask me to attempt to allow someone else to take your place."
I held her as she cried herself to sleep, and hoped against hope that it wouldn't come to that.
As preparations began to take a more serious turn at camp, we both became painfully aware that our time together was drawing to an end. Each time I held her in my arms, I wondered if it would be the last.
In late May, we were spending one such evening together in the cottage. I held her close as we danced to a song on the radio.
Let's say goodbye with a smile dear,
Just for a while dear, we must part
Don't let this parting upset you,
I'll not forget you, sweetheart,
We'll meet again,
Don't know where,
don't know when.
But I know we'll meet again, some sunny day.
Bella's eyes filled with tears as she watched me. "I have something to tell you Edward, and I must do it tonight because I'm not sure when I'll see you again."
I nodded, we could both sense that things were about to change.
"I wasn't sure, but then Dr. Cullen confirmed my suspicions. You're going to be a father," she said with a small smile. "I'm to have a baby."
I stopped breathing as my mind processed her words.
A father?
For some reason, a memory of my own father flashed before my mind, but it wasn't one of the usual distressing memories. It was of a day spent in the park, throwing a baseball; teaching me how to swing a bat. Instead of reprimands, words of encouragement had poured forth from his lips.
My eyes focused once again on my beautiful wife. She was carrying our child. My happiness at this revelation knew no bounds. "Oh Bella, this is more than I could have ever wished for," I whispered against her hair as I held her. "I am so, so happy my love," I told her before kissing her lips.
I made love to her slowly that night, making each moment last. For the rest of the night, I watched her as she lay sleeping and thought of our child. I wondered if we would have a son or a daughter. It didn't matter, as long as the child took after its mother. I smiled at the thought, and in the wee hours of the morning, wrote one final letter to her, to be opened in the event of my death.
"How can I leave you like this?" I asked as I swallowed back the lump in my throat. After I'd kissed her goodbye, Bella had clung to me before collapsing onto the bed and crying bitterly into her pillow. I sat and rubbed her back, trying to soothe her worries. "Oh Bella, this is so difficult. I love you darling; you have to know that I don't want to leave, but you mustn't do this to yourself. Think of the baby…"
My words seemed to have an effect.
She sniffled before raising her head. "The baby?" she gasped. "Edward, you don't think I've harmed the baby do you?"
"Of course not my love, but I also know that this behavior is not good for you, therefore it stands to reason that it's not good for the baby."
I watched as she swallowed back her tears and nodded. "I'll try to behave, I just love you so much Edward," she said as her voice cracked.
"As I love you, now please kiss me again."
She raised her head and threw her arms around me. I could taste the salty tears. "No matter what, always remember that I love you; and that's forever Bella."
It was with a heavy heart that I made my way back to the barracks. I had a sinking feeling that it would be a very long time before I would hold my girl in my arms again.
*** end flashback ***
"That was the last time you were together wasn't it?" Teddy asked.
I nodded. "Yes, soon after that, we parachuted into France." I shook my head as I remembered those difficult days. "A group of us, including Johnny, got separated from our unit and landed several miles away from the target. We ran into a detail of German soldiers on the edge of a town." I fished out my pack of cigarettes again. "We managed to take them out, but not before losing two of our guys."
"I remember being holed up in a building with Johnny," I shrugged. "That was yesterday, I think, and then I woke up in that field where you found me."
"Are you sure about that Edward?"
I nodded, but I wasn't sure.
Teddy watched me patiently. "I need you to concentrate on what happened before you woke up in that field Edward."
I frowned as I tried my best to recall. Suddenly my mind was deluged with the images and sounds of gunfire, smoke, and the screams of men, both German and American. I bit my lip as the memories continued fast and furious.
*****flashback*****
"Do you think we're ever gonna meet up with Roger again?" Johnny asked as we crouched in an interior hallway of the building in which we'd taken refuge.
"We're bound to if we keep moving north and east." I tried to sound reassuring, but I had no idea if the other guys had made it, or even if the troops had landed on the beaches as planned. Our best hope was to keep moving, but that was easier said than done.
"I think it best if we stay put for a little while, and then we'll try and make a break for it."
Johnny nodded in agreement. We crouched together in that hallway for what seemed like an eternity. Not speaking, barely breathing.
"Eddie, can I ask you a favor?" Johnny eventually spoke, breaking our self-imposed silence.
"Yeah Johnny, what is it?"
"If I… if for some reason I don't make it, can you tell my folks that I was thinking about them at the end."
I knew he was still shaken by what we'd lived through today. It had only been a few hours since we'd seen Mike and Sam killed and in turn, Johnny and I had had to shoot their murderers in self-defense. It wasn't like in the movies. It was done up close. Face to face.
"Sure Johnny, I can do that."
He nodded. "Thanks."
We shared the last cigarette from Johnny's pack as we reminisced about our days in St. Louis.
"My Mom and Pops still go on about the swell parties your parents used to throw. Do you remember those Eddie?"
I smiled to myself as I thought back to the days before the crash when father was in his element.
Nothing made him happier than to flaunt his wealth in the face of St. Louis high society.
"Do you ever miss it Eddie?" he asked in a whisper.
I took a deep breath. "No, I honestly can say that I don't. I've come to associate that life and everything attached to it as part of the reason we were laid so low after the crash. My father's greed knew no bounds Johnny." I rubbed my forehead with my fingertips as I explained. "He had invested so heavily in an effort to increase his wealth that we literally lost everything. So, no…"
We were silent for a while before Johnny spoke again.
"You're nothing like him you know."
I turned and stared at him.
"I see it in your eyes Eddie every time he's mentioned. You worry that you're like him, but you're not. Whether you would have been like him if things hadn't turned out the way they did? Who's to say?" He patted my shoulder as I dropped my head and stared at the floor. "There was one good thing that happened as a result of your Papa's greed though, and if he was here right now, I'd thank him for that."
I lifted my head and gave him a questioning look.
"The man you are today, the man I would trust with my life, might not exist if it hadn't been for your father's mistakes."
I swallowed hard, holding back the emotions which were clawing their way to the surface.
"I would never have met Bella…" I admitted in a whisper.
"There you have it," Johnny said with a smile, "yet another thing to be grateful for. She's a wonderful woman Eddie."
"She's my whole life Johnny."
He nodded.
After another moment of silence, I spoke again. "We're expecting a baby. She told me the last night we were together."
Johnny's smile lit up his face. "That's great news Eddie." He shifted his rifle in order to shake my hand. "See, even here in the middle of hell you have something to look forward to."
****end flashback****
I shot a worried look at Teddy.
"Some Kraut soldiers entered the building, and we were trapped. I hoped that we could shoot our way out, but we were outnumbered. I remember thinking that we weren't both going to make it out alive." With a shaking hand, I brought the cigarette to my lips and took a drag. "I made the split second decision to do what I could to save Johnny." I remembered pushing Johnny behind me as I ducked into the room where the Germans were and opened fire. I looked mournfully at Teddy. "I remember being shot…"
Teddy nodded slowly.
****flashback****
"Eddie, Eddie," I could see Johnny's frantic face through the haze. "Hold on buddy, until I can get you some help…"
I closed my eyes, and images of Bella's beautiful smiling face filled my mind.
I didn't open them again.
I didn't want to.
****end flashback****
I took a deep breath. "Can you tell me if Johnny made it?"
Teddy nodded. "You saved him."
"But I didn't survive, did I?"
"No, Edward. You died a short time later of your wounds."
I dropped the cigarette to the ground before burying my hands in my hair. "My poor girl," I said in a broken whisper as I felt my knees buckle. "The baby…." I would never get to see our baby.
"She was devastated when word reached her Edward. But Bella is strong; a lot stronger than even she realized. The letter you left helped her a great deal, especially during her darkest days." Teddy assured. "Do you remember what you wrote?"
"Yes. I think part of me knew I wouldn't make it back. I felt compelled to write it."
Teddy placed his arm around my shoulders in a comforting gesture as I watched the scene around us change. I saw my Bella smiling, holding our son, surrounded by members of our family. I watched as she put him into his crib and retreated alone to the bedroom where she wept into her hands before kissing a photo of me and lying across the bed. After a moment, she retrieved the letter I'd written from her side table drawer. I could see the familiar writing, but couldn't help but notice how the page was stained with Bella's tears.
My dearest,
As I write this, I am watching you sleep. Have I ever mentioned how beautiful you are when you sleep? You're always beautiful, but when you sleep, you look like an angel.
My love, if you are reading this, it means that I wasn't able to return to you.
I am sorrier than you'll ever know for failing you in that, but I hope that my death was not in vain.
At the very least, I hope I died a man that you and our child may be proud of.
I never had that with my own father Bella, but desire it more than anything for our child.
Even though I won't be there when you hold him or her in your arms for the first time, know that my heart is with you. It has always been yours.
Please tell our child how we met and how I loved you from that very first day. Since then, not a single day passes that you are not in my thoughts. Tell him or her about the happy years we spent together before the war.
Most importantly, be sure to tell our child about the happiest day of all; the day you became my wife.
Bella, I want you to know that these last few months with you have been the best part of my life, and if that is all the time that we are to be given, it will be enough to sustain me until we are together again. For I have to believe that will happen my love.
I've never been an overtly religious man, you know that, but I hope that God would grant me some small favor in return for any good I may have done during my life. I hope that He will allow us to be together again someday, somehow.
Until that day, I will be waiting for you, my darling.
All my love today and always,
Edward
Comforted by the written words, I watched as Bella closed her eyes in sleep.
The scene changed again until we were standing in a cemetery filled with white stone crosses. I noticed several people gathered around one stone in particular. As Teddy and I approached them, I recognized Claire. She was quite a bit older, but it was unmistakably her. She held the hand of a man, her husband I presumed. As soon as he removed his hat, I realized he was my old friend Johnny.
Claire bent down, speaking in a whisper to the stone, "Edward, the years haven't made me miss you any less. I have never thanked you for saving Johnny that day. After the war, he visited us and told the story of how you saved his life. You will always be my hero, big brother." She said as a tear trailed down her cheek. "But then you always were. We named our first son Edward after you, and he is a fine man, just as your Edward is."
The next person I saw approach was my mother. Her hair was white, and she walked slowly, with the aid of a cane, but I could still see the light in her eyes when she smiled. "Oh my boy, I've lived too long without you. Children should never be allowed to leave this world before their parents," she sighed and kissed her fingertips before touching them to the stone.
There followed behind Mama a man who looked to be in his forties with an older woman leaning on his arm. I gasped when I realized how much the man looked like my father, when I glanced at the woman, I smiled in understanding. Despite the grey hair and lines of care and worry on her beautiful face, she still took my breath away.
My Bella
The man beside her was undoubtedly our son. Our Edward.
"Here, let me help you Mother," he said as he helped Bella kneel down on the grass.
"Thank you dear," she smiled up at our son, before turning to the gravestone. "Edward, I miss you so. Even after all this time, my heart aches for you. I dreamt about you the other night and didn't want to wake." She took a breath, and I noticed how pale she looked. Her voice dropped to barely a whisper. "I don't think you'll have to wait much longer for me my darling. It seems I'm not meant to have the lifespan of your mother. I will be sad to leave our son and grandchildren, but I long to be with you again." Her eyes glistened with tears as she spoke.
I watched as our son helped her to her feet. Before he led her away, he turned back to the stone and placed his hand upon it. "Thank you for being a man who I am proud to call my father." He said in a whisper.
I wiped the tears from my own cheeks as I watched them walk away. "I don't understand," I said, as the scene before us changed again, a mist gathered where we stood. "Are you showing me the future, because surely this many years couldn't have passed already?"
Teddy patted my back. "Time is relative here Edward. The truth is that during the time we've been talking, over forty years have passed on earth."
I eyed him skeptically. "Impossible."
"Here, anything is possible."
"Are you an angel?"
Teddy laughed then. "No, not by a long shot. But I was chosen specifically for this task."
I frowned. "Did I know you when I was alive?"
"No, but I believe you knew of me." He smiled. "My name is Edward Masen. I'm your grandfather."
And then I remembered the old family photos Mama kept in the front parlor. There was one photo among them of an elderly couple, my grandparents; they had died shortly before I was born.
"Your grandmother and I are very proud of you my boy."
"Grandmother? Will I get to meet her?" I asked anxiously.
"Soon." He said before placing a hand on my shoulder. "Unfortunately, I must leave you now Edward, for a little while."
"Leave me? But what will I do? I don't know where I'm supposed to go?" I asked in a panic.
"You'll figure it out." He then turned and disappeared into the mist.
Teddy had no sooner vanished when I felt a hand touch my back. I turned, and found myself staring down into the lovely face of my Bella. All the years since I'd left her had been washed away and she looked as she did that last morning at the cottage, minus the tears.
My throat tightened as I pulled her into my arms without a word, and peppered her face with kisses. "Are you really here my love?"
She laughed breathlessly, "I don't know. I hope this isn't another dream." She pulled back a little to look into my eyes. "Are we in heaven?"
"Oh my darling, if this isn't heaven, then I have no desire to go there. Everything I'll ever want or need is here in my arms."
"Edward," she said as she placed her hand on my cheek, her eyes brimming with tears. "Hold me, and never let me go."
I wrapped my arms around her, and captured her warm lips with mine.
And so began our forever….
Keep smiling through,
Just like you always do
Till the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away….
***** The End ************
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